30 WEEK TWIN PREGNANCY UPDATE

How far along: I am currently 31 weeks Update is for week 30!

Total weight gain: gained 22 lbs total and really feeling it!

Maternity clothes: All of my maternity clothes I have bought since the beginning of the pregnancy are still fitting well, however I think another month and I will need to bump up a size in shirts! Pants I am still wearing a size smaller than my original size in maternity.
Stretch marks: No new ones, just the few I have had since the progesterone bloat in the beginning!
Sleep: Sleep has been super rough in week 30! I am so uncomfortable, and so big when I try to adjust it takes a ton of work. Between all the trying to get comfortable and having to pee a couple times a night I am barely getting 4 hours of sleep at night. I am so lucky I am able to sleep all day if needed. I can usually get a good 2 hour nap in durring the day.
Happenings this week: We had our 3D/4D ultrasound on Wednesday! We barely got any pictures of Baby Alexandria again :( She is just too low! We did get a better look at how they are both positioned, She is all sprawled out with her head down and feet under my ribs. Her butt was on Aidens head the entire time, her poor little head is squished down into my pelvic floor. He is all folded up like he is doing yoga. (Aunt Dani would be so proud!) His head under my ribs and his butt by her shoulders with his little legs over his head! Neither look too comfortable! Here is a few pictures we got from the 3D ultrasound.

Best moment of this week: Our 3D/4D Ultrasound/!
Miss anything: Subway!! Since lunch meat is a big no no I have not had Subway since before being pregnant! I watched a ton of Real World this week and Subway is a sponsor and now I cant get it outta my head! LOL
Food cravings: Water and Juice
Anything making you queasy or sick: Going into cold weather is still making me nauseous!
Gender: A baby girl and a baby boy!
Labor signs: A few braxton hicks here and there, nothing painful, just annoying.
Belly button in or out: Still very in! I have about a 3 inch scar above my belly button from a prior surgery and that is popping out and painful!
Wedding rings on or off: While I can keep them on all day, I cant at night, so if I am home I just leave them off.
Happy or moody most of the time: I had my first "I can't do this anymore!" breakdown this week! I had a headache for 3 days straight, was so uncomfortable, and the pain from the "pregnancy arthritis" in my hands is almost unbearable in the morning. After I got over that day its been a good week, maybe slightly more emotional.
Looking forward to: I start weekly Non stress testing this week, I am excited just to be checked every week, it will give me nice piece of mind and a heads up if these babies think they are coming anytime soon!
Size of Baby: At our last appointment 2 weeks ago Aiden was 3 pounds and 11oz! Alexandria was 3 pounds 1 oz! They are well on their way to 5 pounds by birth which is great for twins!

 

Names: Alexandria Rosemary and Aiden Patrick. (baby girl is known as baby Alex for short)

Symptoms: Back pain, and dizziness, tired, some cramping, bad skin, horrible horrible arthritis in my hands, also last night I went to stand up and couldn't walk! My leg felt like it was broken along my left pelvic bone! I couldn't put any weight on it. This happened about a month ago too...it must be my hips spreading. After about an hour I was totally fine. 

What's in my diaper bag, TWINS!

I have had a few people ask to share what I plan to carry in our diaper bag. I have done a lot of research on what to pack in your diaper bag as well as your hospital bag. Here is what's in our bag!


The bag! I figured we were going to have enough to carry with us so I didn't want a huge bag to lug around. I also know myself, and the bigger the bag the more "crap" I will allow to build up in there. (I am sure my purse has a mint from last year stuck in the bottom still!) We found this Carters brand bag at Babies R Us. It's really light weight which I am a big fan of. It also has a ton of pockets which again I am hoping helps make me more organized, instead of just stuffing everything in.

Hand sanitizer! This is more for me than me worried about the babies being around too many germs! (I am a big believer in them being exposed to germs to help build their little immune systems) I have the most sensitive nose/gag reflex to smells! I do NOT do well in public restrooms, especially in restaurants with a full stomach. I NEVER use public restrooms if I can avoid it! However when I do I spray perfume on the top of my shirt and pull it over my face the whole time I am in the stall to keep me from gagging! ( I know...I am weird) Sooooo knowing I will have to use more public restrooms with my hands full  I am hoping the nice strongly scented hand sanitizer will help! (and okay...kill some germs too!)

Face and Hand wipes these are more gentle than butt wipes so they can be used on sensitive faces and also are safe on hands that go into their mouths constantly. They can also be used to clean binkys that have dropped on the ground. 

Binkys right now, I only have 2 in the bag (one for each) as I don't plan on giving them to them for the first couple months to avoid nipple confusion. I am sure I will add  couple more into the bag once they are the babies best friends. 

Baby lotion For me, for babes! I have dry skin and I am constantly putting on hand lotion, With the added hand washing after diaper changes  I am assuming I will be using this more than them! 

A change of clothing for each baby, and a pair of PJ's (2nd change of clothing) for each baby. Starting with just the one outfit change, as I am packing the bag like we are just leaving the house for a few hours. If we plan to be gone for more than 3 hours I would add an additional outfit just in case! 

Headband for baby girl...I hate going up to people and not knowing their baby gender! And I don't want people to mistake baby girl for a baby boy :) So I am hoping headbands help the situation until they get old enough to be able to tell :) 

Diaper changing pad this one has a spot for wipes/diapers and turns into a little clutch which is nice to keep your hands free!

Diaper rash cream I am a huge fan of rash cream! We put it on my niece every time we changed her and she never got a rash, I don't want my poor babes to ever have to deal with something that sounds very uncomfortable! 

Mini plastic bag dispenser I never knew these existed and I love them! This little dispenser holds mini powder scented bags to hold diapers or soiled cloths! Genius! 

Diapers and wipes this little cloud bag is the perfect place to hold diapers and wipes all together so they are not getting shoved in your big bag! This bag is what some of our crib sheets came in from Target its perfect for things like this. 

 Hats and Socks The babes will come in the middle of winter so extra hats will come in handy...and I am always seeing babies with one sock on! So I imagine extra socks will come in handy

 Burb cloths I have 4 total in the bag for all the little messes 2 will make!
Toys I just put this one little soft rattle in so far, I am sure once they get older I will add some other little toys to keep them occupied when needed!

We also have 2 receiving blankets in the bag. There is still a ton of room in the bag to add more! Would love to hear feedback from the current mommies if I missed anything! 

Still in shock...

I don't even know how to write this post..I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones, the shock, or the fact I got up too early today but I can't even figure out what emotion I feel. Wonder maybe? Blessed? Happy...happy for sure. Mostly SHOCK! 

Let's see...last Friday they did an "early" ultrasound, I was still bleeding and they wanted to give me some piece of mind and verify things were okay. We went in hoping to see a baby, maybe a heartbeat, and hoping that even thou I had all the bleeding things were perfectly normal. Well...we did see a baby! And a perfect little heartbeat! The baby measured at 6 weeks and 1 day which is exactly right. We were so happy. I did have a small tear in my placenta, which could have caused some of the bleeding. The tear was already starting to heal and they were not to worried about it. They tried measuring the heart beats per minute but it was too faint, too early to get a good read on it. They were happy and felt extreemly reassured that the blood was not a sign of something majorly wrong. 

But that was not it....there it was...a second spot! When my doctor saw it she thought the spot was a twin I was miscarrying, it appeared smaller and didn't have a heartbeat. They assumed that was causing the bleeding. But then her assistant saw a second yoak sac! They couldn't see a heartbeat, but when they measured the second sac It measured perfectly :) 6 weeks 1 day just like twin A. She told us she was really optimistic that it was simply too early to see the second heartbeat and asked me to come back in the following week.

Today was my 7 week appointment. I read about a million cases of the same thing happening to people. Seeing twins but only 1 heartbeat. It was about a 50/50 spilt between going back to see the second and the other twin simply disappearing (disappearing twin syndrome, where it is just absorbed by the body) Adam had a work retreat so Samantha came with me to get our answers after yet another long week! And....we are officially the proud parents of two perfectly sized twins with two perfect little heartbeats! While we didn't get to hear the heartbeats yet they were able to measure them. Twin A's heart rate was 124 and twin B's 136. Both in the perfectly normal range. 

We are elated...shocked....happy...so in love with our two little nuggets! It's funny, I just had two of the most emotional unreal months of my life. I am drained, tired, still sick from all the meds. And still scared because I am still on restrictions due to the bleeding. But none of that really matters today/anymore. All I know is that we best the odds, we had a successful IVF on the FIRST try! Not only did one of our embies decided to stay with us but TWO of them did! It's almost like having two successful IVF rounds in one! 

I am writing this post in the Seattle airport at midnight getting ready to board a plane home to Indiana for a wedding. We have not told our families it's twins yet! We are thrilled we get to tell them in person, keeping it a secret for the last week has been ROUGH! I don't know how people hide it until they are further along! It's toooo exciting not to share! For now I will simply save this post and keep it a secret for a couple more days :) 6/26/2014

http://flipagram.com/f/EbK5jniYJK

The shit they don't tell you about IVF

Now that we have finished our first IVF cycle I thought I would share some of the stuff I learned along the way that was NOT in any sort of flyer! The world of infertility is a strange foreign place and it helped me so much along the way to have lots of information, and lots of women to talk to who we're going thru the same thing. So here goes the shit no one tells you....

1. I cannot stress this point enough if your thinking about IVF, look into "guarantee" programs!!! Guarantee programs or multiple cycle programs give you multiple tries at IVF for one fixed price.If unsuccessful  and you don't not bring a baby home you get your money back. You can read more about attain programs here: Our IVF Diary- you gotta baby in there?: IVF through Attain Fertility
It's so sad to me how many IVF ladies did not know programs like this existed! There is so much riding on This and I can't imagine the heartbreak of the cycle not working on top of thinking well there went 22k and when we are ready to start again it's another 22k! Right now I am pregnant and having a lot of complications it's very scary but the one thing that helps keep me grounded is we have more tries waiting for us if this does not turn out how we hope!

2. The drugs make you extremely bloated! I never really experienced bloat during a period so I had no idea what this would be like! I gained about 5 pounds during my stim meds which is normal but went up about two sizes! As soon as I had my egg retrieval the pounds disappeared and bloating went down within a couple days.

3. As soon as your feeling back to normal after the egg retrieval you start progesterone...and it sucks! Bloating bloating and more bloating. Lots of nausea, achy bones, and general feeling of ickyness!

4. If your not scared of needles you will be! I have never been even a little scared of needles but after
endless blood draws and shots you will learn to HATE needles!

5. Your veins can go "bad" after so many blood draws if your using the same vein they will get harder and harder to get blood out of. By the time they were trying to put in my IV for the egg retrieval the had to try 5 different times to get a good vein.

6. When you unpack your meds label and organize them! There are so many it's hard to keep up and being organized makes it easier on days your running behind.

7.  Naps are your new best friend...I have not taken a nap in my entire adult life...now it's a daily occurrence! Between the meds and the emotional roller coaster your sleepy all the time!

8. Most annoying side effect of the stim meds....headaches 24/7

9. Follistim is the easiest shot...Menopur BURNS! No way to stop it.

10. The trigger shot is scarier than it looks. It's just another shot.

11. Your robbed of that..."oh my gosh look at the two lines we are pregnant!!" Moment. If you get a positive pregnancy test you still have to have a second HCG test before they declare you pregnant. So you basically are in this weird limbo for a few days...are we excited or not? I am almost 6 weeks pregnant and I am still in this limbo. I have had 3 HCG test they all come out nice and high. But I bleed almost every day. So while I am pregnant there could be something wrong...we just want to relax and celebrate but it's not an option for us. Yet.

12. Your husband even as amazing as he is, as supportive, and caring as he is. It won't be right! His reactions to things, his support will piss you off...he doesn't understand. Just remember he is trying, and no no one in the world knows exactly what your going thru, but they try. Just remember this as you want to rip your husbands head off because he is answering work emails while you think he should be watching you inject yourself with the umpteenth needle.

13. You will discover you have 3 types of friends if your open about your IVF journey. 1. The ones that don't really acknowledge that your going thru any of this. The idea that something as "private" as baby making has become a weird routine of medical procedures and daily activities for you makes them uncomfortable. 2. The ones that want to know the pertinent info. Most of your friends/family fit into this category. They are genuinely interested, care, and want to know how things are going, they think of you, pray for you,but never want to overstep your boundaries. Then you have the 3rd kind the ones that want to know exactly when your period starts, watch you inject yourself and will tell you your crazy when your crying over the fact that you chipped a nail. They won't feel sorry for you they will just be there for you then help you to the next step. I imagine for each person what they need during a fertility journey. For me I needed friend number 3 while I appreciate the other types of people, I  NEED the 3rd. I need someone to go over every detail with me, to google the symptoms, and to make me laugh when I don't know what else to feel.


14. The 4th friend.. A whole new friend I didn't know I would love or need so much! The Instagram community! You would NOT believe the infertility community on Instagram! I got to go thru my cycle real time with women all over the world. There were at least 8 other girls having the exact same procedures as me within a few days of me. It was great to get on and say "how many eggs did you get?"  "Did you have this happen?"  " is this symptom normal?"  The only thing I would recommend doing that I didn't is having a second IVF/fertility account than your personal account. I didn't think to do this at first because I am very open. However there have been a few times I wanted to ask weird kinda TMI questions to my IVF sisters that I didn't want to have to expose my co-workers etc to. Like "did anyone have clotting with their implantation bleeding?"

15. IVF takes over your life!! There is no way around it. Multiple doctor appointments, sickness from the meds. Etc. your whole life is run on the cycle. Guess it's preparing us for when a baby runs our life!

16. Most importantly none of it is more than you can handle, everyone from your doctors to your friends/family are there to help you. You will get thru it!

We can't believe it!!

      We can't believe it and are still in shock....but we gotta baby in here!! I always thought it would work, but can't believe it worked on the first try! After years of blood work, tears, shots, surgeries, we are now just a "normal" couple expecting a baby! 

     We of course didn't make it thru our TWW (two week wait) without any hiccups! On Wednesday I started spotting, which quickly turned into heavy bleeding and clots :( I thought it was over. It was devastating! I assumed the bleeding was my period we had a very long night of crying and searching the internet to find any possibility of pregnancy after such a heavy bleed. Dr google and my nurse I called at my RE all said it didn't sound good and to prepare for the worse. 

     Luckily I didn't have to wait long my appointment to have the blood pregnancy test was on Thursday morning. My nurse told me we really wouldn't know either way that day because if I showed pregnant they would need to confirm I didn't miscarry the baby by checking my levels a couple days later.  Anything over a 50 on the terse is positive...on Thursday my HCG levels were 264. So we knew it worked! We just didn't know if we were still pregnant. The day before my bleed I was very busy at work getting ready of a big event and I was tossing around big heavy 50 pound boxes, my nurse told me that could have caused the bleeding and a misscarriage. 

    So,we waited two more days. Saturday morning we drove to Seattle for our 2nd beta test. Our appointment was early and quick. Just the blood work and back home to wait for,that phone call. To be honest I thought it was over...when I first had the transfer I had all these cramps, tingles, movements in my tummy. But the longer it went the less I felt any different. Adam on the other hand never gave up hope he was just sure our two little embie sap were staying for life!

    The call came quick...quicker than we expected. I answerd the phone barely being able to breath. The nurse made idel chit chat....how are you...oh fine you? The whole time I was trying to read her voice is this a happy call? Or the call she probably dreads? Then she said it...well your HCG is level is....768!!!! Congratulations your officially pregnant everything looks great! I was in shock! I let her finish telling me that the thyroid test etc they ran were also normal so we are all set. Then I realized I didn't know what to do next everything with my RE was about getting pregnant, I always knew the next step. Is this fails then we try this...if your period starts then we start stims...etc. I quickly thought back to all my paperwork...there was no info beyond 2nd beta to confirm pregnancy. So I asked the nurse...ummm what do we do now? She laughed like she had gotten this dumbfounded question a million times. And let me know I just needed to schedule a 7 week ultrasound where they could confirm how many of the embryos took. (My numbers are consistent with just the one taking...or that both took and the blood was me loosing one) and we should get to see a heartbeat too! We hung up the phone and Adam just looked at me and said I told you so! I have never been so happy to concied he was right...I was wrong. 

                            Look at me keeping my NYE resolutions! 

    We spent the next hour calling our family and friends to let them know, it was the best! Samantha had planned to be here when we got the call but it came so quick she missed it! She called when on her way and I told her we hadn't heard yetto  but to hurry over cause we wanted to go to lunch to kill time. We were getting in the car to go to lunch and I just blurted it out. She was in shock kinda hugged me, acted confused, and then got in the car. About 5 minutes into the drive she started crying and said it just hit her. We are so so lucky to have amazing friends and family to share this journey with. I know it's "taboo" to share to soon, or not proper etquitte but honestly I wouldn't have it any other way. Our family is the world to both of us having a child is not just about Adam and I. It's about our family our babies will become who they are because of our family not just because of us. Having their support and our amazing friends support has been amazing! There is also no way to get thru something as forgien as making a human in a test tube without the help of a lot of ladies who have been thru it before! I am so lucky to have some family who had IVF and then to meet an amazing group of ladies going thru it real time with me! Okay enough of my oscar speech! Just wanted all of you to know how much you mean to us! 

We gotta baby in here!! 

Things they should have told the husband going in

1) Your wife will be unavailable for the next month. She has been replaced with a pod person who will find irritation in everything she once found cute. Tread lightly.

2) She will cry for any reason under the sun. Happy, sad, angry, tired, shinny object, because she loves me, and most important...just because and it's okay! ;)

3)She will be irrationally angry at you for things that don't warrant the pure unadulterated hatred coming your way....she knows it just love her even more.

4)Despite what she says, she will need you more than ever. Be supportive.

5)She is getting hundreds of injections for your potential future child and you can't compete.  Try anyway. ;)

6)You will start to hear phrases like "it's for the baby"( it's not, it's a trap).

7) Needles are no joke. If you accidentally put the needle in on a test run while working up the courage to do it for real, don't abort and pull the needle out. You will hear something along the lines of, "Why would you do that to me?" You have poked the bear walk away slowly.....and don't make any sudden moves.

8)There will be no more cuddling of any kind. If she was the game operation....there is no safe zone! They all set off the ALARM!

9)During the transfer, there is a "drive through window" where the embryologist will hand over your future baby to the doctor. It's weird and feels a little Mr Rogers....just go with it. And order the #4 it's good luck.

10)She is the love of my life and I appreciate her suffering through all of this for our future baby. I didn't realize how much of an emotional roller coaster it would be for me. There are ups and downs all over the place. Never miss an opportunity to tell her you lover her or kiss her. You won't know how much little gestures mean. And no matter how crazy the request, do it anyway.

Transfer day!

                                         Adam tucking our babies in.

Today was our transfer day! Out of our 10 embryos we had 5 that were perfect little hatching blast! We had 3 not make it and 2 they are watching overnight to see of they will start to hatch overnight so they can be frozen tomorrow. We had 2 of or perfect embies transferred today, and they put 3 snow babies on ice. Hopefully tomorrow we will be adding the other two to the iceberg. 

The procedure was not too bad, it was just really uncomfortable. You have to fill your bladder to the brim and then they spend 45 minutes pushing on it. Apparently I have a speed bump on the way to my uterus..so that took them a little longer than usuall, but it all worked out in the end. We got pictures of the two perfect little embies we implanted which I LOVED! I feel pretty much the same, a little more crampy and extremely aware of every twinge, bubble, tickle I have in my tummy. It was a pretty emotional 45 minute appointment it was very unreal everything we have been doing for the last three years has lead up to this! Adam gets a goofy little smile everything I now refer to myself as a "we" it's pretty cute and I hope that smile sticks around for the whole 9 months! 

I was sent home with instructions to relax and take it easy for the next two days. After that they told me just to not overthink any of it. Sure easy for you to say! The next two weeks is going to be looooong! Laying here with my feet up is not helping with the overthinking! Luckily it's time for bed tonight...off to dream of sticky babies! 

Xoxoxo

Our little embie family, and a transfer date!

We are now three days past egg retrieval and all 10 of our original fertilized embryos are still thriving! Yesterday when we got our update all 10 were ranked at the hugest grade. However today we did have just one drop down to a "fair" condition. The nurse said they are changing and growing minute by minute so there is always a chance that one can catch up.  We are beyond thrilled so far! It's a little scary to think that any tiny little factor could make our prefect little embryos become fair or poor embryos. But are just hoping for the best. We are hoping to transfer 2 and then will freeze the rest. Ideally this round will be successful and then we have plenty of frozen to make brothers or sisters. We would also love to have extra to donate. It's un-imagable to me that some people don't even have the very small choice that we had. We would love to be able to help other couples. 

We will be doing a five day transfer of the embie babies on Tuesday! We are so excited, nervous, happy, scared...we actually don't know what to feel. Every update about our little embies is so exciting! I will now go the next two days withou hearing anything! We won't know how they are doing until we go in for the retrieval on Tuesday! Then the hard part comes...the dreaded two week wait. The time between implantation and the pregnancy test to see is all of this worked out! We are going to have to keep really busy durring that time!

In other news I am officially done with the needles, but have started new medication...progesterone. So far it's horrible! I take it morning and night in a suppository form and I am sick within 20 minutes. I am nauseous, crampy, and cranky...I know what your thinking dad...poor Adam ;) (don't worry I am being nice...I even used all my allotted energy today to bring him breakfast in bed and cook dinner) 

In two days in this building our dreams will come true...and we couldn't be more excited! Or scared! I will update you all after our transfer! 

Day 5 check IVF Cycle

Today was my day 5 check up. Once starting stimulation meds they check your stats every 3 days. They are checking you estradiol levels in my blood, and then looking at my ovaries to see the growth of the follicles. My blood work came back and my estradiol level was 272 which is right on target for day 5. During my ultrasound my left ovary showed no follicles, which was not surprising as my left ovary is basically useless. It's pretty much just a tiny blob of scar tissue as they took most of it out with my first tumor.  Most people have about 5-8 follicles on each ovary at this stage. My right ovary had 20! So no worries on not having enough! At this stage they are looking for the size of your follicles to be between 6-10 mine ranged between size 8-10 so we are doing good! I never thought I could ever be so excited and proud of my ovary! I am the proud owner of 20 size 8-10 follies on my day 5! Here is to hoping that each follie grows a beautiful egg! Grow little follies grow! 

Mean time I am getting much better at shots I still shake a little but I am much faster at just getting it over with now. Fun fact in the last five days I have had 13 different needles stuck in me. Another fun fact...my follistim vials say they have 300 iu in it. I take 150 iu a day, so naturally the math wiz in me came to the conclusion that I had 2 days worth of shots in each. WRONG apparently the 300iu vial actually has 375 ius in it! So I have thrown away about 800 dollars worth of medicine!! OUCH! We are hoping I won't need them in the end. They are waiting for my 8 day blood work to determine if I need to order more of the meds I threw away! Cross your fingers I won't need them! 

Whelp me and my perfect follies are a little worn down so I am off to sleep! Night world! 

It's actually happening!

Has it really only been 4 days since my last post? It feels like a lifetime ago. My world is completely flipped upside down...I feel like a Charles Dickens novel..it was the best of times it was the worst of times. It's unreal that this moment we have waited for so long for is here, that in a month I will have a baby in my tummy?! And on the other hand my family is mourning the death of my grandmother. The last two weeks have been truly well...sad? Weird? Scary? I am not sure how to feel. Think I will try to blog daily during this time as it's impossible to go back and recount the events and feelings of the last week. 

Well today is Monday I started stimulation meds on Saturday, so far I am surviving! I can tell you the shots are wayyyy harder emotionally than they are physically! Let me say that I think it's pretty cool that we are going thru IVF I don't have this huge sadness that we can't do it the natural way. Nor do I resent the ladies that have had zero trouble getting pregnante. I am super pumped about any preggers lady I see...the way I see it that's one more baby for me to cuddle with! IVF has never been something that was a burden for us, it's simply the transportation to get us to our baby. And the science nerd in me thinks it's a pretty amazing one! (How many of you get pictures of your babies as eggs?) HOWEVER when your standing there after a party you were forced to leave early from because shot time is between 7-9pm with a needle in your hand getting ready to stab yourself with a needle, you can't help but think. Why us? What on earth are we doing here? How did we get here? And that's exactly what I said to my husband while crying with that needle pointed at my tummy. He simply said you're ok. And I was...and I jabbed that needle in. Guess what? Doesn't really hurt! 

 

I would like to say by day 3 it's less scary and I just push both shots right in...but it's not. I still shake, it's still scary. I have now given myself 6 shots over the last three days and I shake like a leaf while giving each. 

So far I have no pain in the injection sights and hardly any cramping. I have had a pretty bad headache for two days but it goes away with Tylenol. Starting today my body aches, I feel like I am coming down with the flu almost. I know it's just the side effects of the meds. I am nauseous but hungry. So so,tired but can't sleep. And while I don't feel emotional and have no mood swings...I think I could cry on command?! Like it's just hiding back there ready to come out. 

 

My husband has stepped it up amazingly he is doing a great job of giving me the extra attention I need and holding my hand during shots. 

I had my day 3 test today and they were happy with my blood results so, I will stay on the same two shots for now. I have another apt on Wednesday to check my blood again and do an ultrasound to check my follicles. Until then....Grow little follies grow! 

IVF in the twilight zone.

T 

I struggled with figuring out how to write this post, should I only write about the facts of my IVF treatment or write about everything happening during my IVF cycle?

 I assumed once we got the magical go ahead that meant we would be starting our cycle that the cycle would consume our life. I assumed the next three weeks would be amazing, stressful, painful, euphoric, and full of hope. I thought our world would stop and everything would be about the possibility of a baby. These are the days I have been waiting for since they told us 2 years ago that this would be our baby path. I thought the only thing on our minds would be this moment, this baby.

I was wrong.

Last Friday May 2nd my grandmother left her apartment in Janesville, Wisconsin to go out and pray with and help the homeless as she did many nights. 

Saturday someone found her purse, and she was reported as a missing person. 

Monday a body was found near where she was last seen...it was not her. It was a girl who was murdered by a man who claims he had killed 2 other people. 

Tuesday we found out we were finally ready to start our cycle, when my suppression check finally went well. 

It's Thursday, we have no new answers about my grandmother, we are excited about our cycle, we are confused and heartbroken and trying to live a normal life in the midst of the most baffling time in our lives. Everything is up in the air.

The man who killed the girl and claimed to have killed others has stopped talking, the police can not connect him to my grandma, however they can not rule him out. So we wait. 

You can find more info on her disappearance here.

http://www.nbc15.com/home/headlines/Janesville-Police-Searching-for-MIssing-Woman-257805811.html?device=tablet

I have decided that I couldn't tell my current IVF story without talking about the thing that is consuming my life right now, we love her so much and just want her home. I spend hours a day talking and texting with family trying to find anything, any clue. Clearly I am not in the ideal frame of mind to be going thru a life changing event like IVF...might not be the best time for my hormones to be thrown into overdrive. But we are hoping the IVF will work as a nice distraction. While my sister cousin and I think we are crack detectives that can rival Sherlock Holmes it won't be such a bad thing to spend a half hour a night giving myself shots and reconnecting with my husband instead of scouring the internet for clues. We are also so comforted by knowing we have the attain program. While I truly believe I will be pregnante in less than a month, it's extremely comforting knowing we have other chances if we need them. I can say that we would delay this cycle due to the stress if we didn't have the backup plan. 

So...here we go again! Below are all the important dates as they sit now (they can change based on my hormone levels they will be checking every 3 days) 

Saturday May 10th I will start taking 2 shots a day to help stimulate egg production. I will continue these until egg retrieval day.

Wednesday May 21st is egg retrieval day. They will go in surgically remove my eggs and mix them with Adams sperm.

The fertilized eggs will grow for 3-5 days in the lab

Saturday, May 24th would be a 3 day transfer (which is what we are hoping for as they usually produce better results) 

Monday, May 26th would be a 5 day transfer 

Wednesday, June 4th we will take a blood pregnancy test to see if it all works! 

Cross your fingers we could use all sorts of luck in our lives right now! 

Delayed IVF cycle

Yesterday I went in for what should have been the first day of my IVF cycle. They did a Suppression check and found some concerns. So then they decided to check my estrogen levels. They were looking for levels well under 50. I got the call today mine was 114 :(  that means we cannot move forward with our calendar and our cycle will be delayed. I will be taking birth control for the next week and then re-doing a suppression check and blood work to check my estrogen levels hopefully they will be down by then! I am not sure if this means I will need to wait a month based on my cycle, or if it will just delay my calendar by a week. Either way it's a little disappointing...disappointing that something has gone wrong and that we will have to wait longer to meet our baby/babies! I am ready to have a baby in my arms today! Nothing to do but wait...wonder if there is a natural way to decrease your estrogen level? Off to google that!

Here we go...I think!

Pretty accurate and fun representation of the timeline

Today was the unofficial first day of my first IVF cycle. I believe they consider the actual first day the day you start stimulation meds? However today determined weather or not I can start stimulation meds on time. Oh I also AlMOST had my first emotional stress out due to IVF! The hubs and I spent the last week in Indiana with our families. We booked our flights separately and ended up on different flights home. Adam came home on Saturday with no problems, however Sunday rolled around (Superbowl Sunday...go hawks!) when it was time for me to leave my flight was canceled because the flight crew didn't show up! (I am assuming they all played hooky to watch the game) the ticket agent informed me there was no way for me to fly out of Fort Wayne until Wednesday! I had to be back to work on Monday and my doctor apt today (Tuesday) so they booked me a flight in Indy (about 2.5 hours from Ft Wayne) I drove to Indy the next day only to find out my next flight was delayed...delayed more...then finally canceled because thep plane needed a new engine. So here I am 48 hours from the first flight I tried to get on, with zero flights left to get me to Chicago where my flight to Seattle was waiting. As I stood in line for 2 hours two separate times I started to get overwhelmed with the long day...missing my husband..and realization I was probably not making it back in time it get to my doctors appointment. I know at this point appointments are set to exact times around my body's cycle so I was worried if I missed my suppression check I would have to delay the start to my whole IVF cycle. THANKFULLY an amazing united airlines worker found me the last flight out to Phoenix which could get me to Seattle at midnight Monday. She booked me a ticket on another airline and told me to run to the other side of the airport at which time I was reminded I need to work out more!

This was what they gave me as a ticket, reassuring right!?

So today was my suppression check, they do an internal ultrasound to look at the lining of the uterus and check to make sure there are not follicles or cyst on the ovary to insure there are no surprises on egg retrieval day. Well of course I already have a cyst on my left ovary so they knew that would be there. However they also found a small follicle on my right ovary. Apparently this might throw things off so they took some blood to check my estrogen levels. As long as my estrogen levels are relatively low we will be moving forward on Saturday. I will get the results tomorrow afternoon so fingers crossed! I am so excited that by the end of the month I could be pregnant I will be so disappointed if we have to push back! 

That's my sister the famous yogi!

In the meantime I started doing yoga today. My sister owns a couple yoga studios and really believes in the benefits it's of yoga on your mind body and soul. Can't hurt right!? I also figure this will be a good way to maintain a workout on the days when high impact workouts are forbidden. Hoping the yoga will help me remain calm when I get anxious as I don't like to wait for anything! (Like my blood results from today!) I will update once I know!

Just stick yourself with this needle...it's really easy!

So...we had our injections class today. When I hear class I think of a room full of people, a teacher, and maybe a blackboard. When I was told to sign up for a injections class this is what I pictured. I thought there would be other couples learning the same thing....you know someone else to ask the dumb questions you have so you don't have to. (Like will an air bubble kill me? Or my latest fear...what if I break the needle off inside my skin!) Not so lucky! It was more of a hallway meeting between us and the phlebotomist super quick...wham bam stick yourself thank you mam! 

She had examples of all three injections I will be taking and we practiced each one ONCE in a little rubber block really quickly. Took about 15 minutes.  Although I was in no way looking forward to sticking myself today I thought I would be. I feel like that first prick will be the hardest. I think when the day comes I am going to be sitting there (by myself because the hubs has work that night!) for an hour trying to work up the nerve. I would have much rather gotten over it today in the safety of  a doctors office with the pressure of someone waiting for me to do it. Not to worry I did confirm it would be near impossible to kill myself with an air bubble. I didn't have the nerve to ask about breaking needles off in my own tummy but after seeing the needle I felt it was pretty unlikely I would be able to do that either. But in no way do I feel comfortable purpously sticking a needle in myself yet! 

Here is how we feel about needles....scccccarrrrry! 

On another needle related note....our medications showed up today. They were shipped overnight from the pharmacy. The arrived packaged neatly together and some in a little cooler that we then put into our fridge. They make it pretty easy to figure out what goes together etc. 

Here is a picture of everything we were sent. Hard to believe I need all this for just a couple weeks!