We can't believe it!!

      We can't believe it and are still in shock....but we gotta baby in here!! I always thought it would work, but can't believe it worked on the first try! After years of blood work, tears, shots, surgeries, we are now just a "normal" couple expecting a baby! 

     We of course didn't make it thru our TWW (two week wait) without any hiccups! On Wednesday I started spotting, which quickly turned into heavy bleeding and clots :( I thought it was over. It was devastating! I assumed the bleeding was my period we had a very long night of crying and searching the internet to find any possibility of pregnancy after such a heavy bleed. Dr google and my nurse I called at my RE all said it didn't sound good and to prepare for the worse. 

     Luckily I didn't have to wait long my appointment to have the blood pregnancy test was on Thursday morning. My nurse told me we really wouldn't know either way that day because if I showed pregnant they would need to confirm I didn't miscarry the baby by checking my levels a couple days later.  Anything over a 50 on the terse is positive...on Thursday my HCG levels were 264. So we knew it worked! We just didn't know if we were still pregnant. The day before my bleed I was very busy at work getting ready of a big event and I was tossing around big heavy 50 pound boxes, my nurse told me that could have caused the bleeding and a misscarriage. 

    So,we waited two more days. Saturday morning we drove to Seattle for our 2nd beta test. Our appointment was early and quick. Just the blood work and back home to wait for,that phone call. To be honest I thought it was over...when I first had the transfer I had all these cramps, tingles, movements in my tummy. But the longer it went the less I felt any different. Adam on the other hand never gave up hope he was just sure our two little embie sap were staying for life!

    The call came quick...quicker than we expected. I answerd the phone barely being able to breath. The nurse made idel chit chat....how are you...oh fine you? The whole time I was trying to read her voice is this a happy call? Or the call she probably dreads? Then she said it...well your HCG is level is....768!!!! Congratulations your officially pregnant everything looks great! I was in shock! I let her finish telling me that the thyroid test etc they ran were also normal so we are all set. Then I realized I didn't know what to do next everything with my RE was about getting pregnant, I always knew the next step. Is this fails then we try this...if your period starts then we start stims...etc. I quickly thought back to all my paperwork...there was no info beyond 2nd beta to confirm pregnancy. So I asked the nurse...ummm what do we do now? She laughed like she had gotten this dumbfounded question a million times. And let me know I just needed to schedule a 7 week ultrasound where they could confirm how many of the embryos took. (My numbers are consistent with just the one taking...or that both took and the blood was me loosing one) and we should get to see a heartbeat too! We hung up the phone and Adam just looked at me and said I told you so! I have never been so happy to concied he was right...I was wrong. 

                            Look at me keeping my NYE resolutions! 

    We spent the next hour calling our family and friends to let them know, it was the best! Samantha had planned to be here when we got the call but it came so quick she missed it! She called when on her way and I told her we hadn't heard yetto  but to hurry over cause we wanted to go to lunch to kill time. We were getting in the car to go to lunch and I just blurted it out. She was in shock kinda hugged me, acted confused, and then got in the car. About 5 minutes into the drive she started crying and said it just hit her. We are so so lucky to have amazing friends and family to share this journey with. I know it's "taboo" to share to soon, or not proper etquitte but honestly I wouldn't have it any other way. Our family is the world to both of us having a child is not just about Adam and I. It's about our family our babies will become who they are because of our family not just because of us. Having their support and our amazing friends support has been amazing! There is also no way to get thru something as forgien as making a human in a test tube without the help of a lot of ladies who have been thru it before! I am so lucky to have some family who had IVF and then to meet an amazing group of ladies going thru it real time with me! Okay enough of my oscar speech! Just wanted all of you to know how much you mean to us! 

We gotta baby in here!! 

Egg retrieval day!!

Yesterday was our egg retrieval, all and all things went well :) 

36 hours before my retrieval I took my final shot! The big momma of all shots! The trigger shot...it was more intimidating than painful! Adam had to give it to me because it went in my back really dint hurt too badly. But my butt is still a little bruised feeling 3 days later.

The day before egg retrivial I had to take a pregnancy test. If the trigger shot worked it would come out positive, and it did so we were all systems go for the retrieval! 

Here we I am arriving at the surgery center. My husband and my Samantha..both are the best support a girl could ask for! 

We went into the surgery center at 7:30am and by 8 I was brought back and prepped. The worse part of the whole thing was when they put in my IV for some reason they couldn't find a vein. It took her several tries and 3 different areas before they finally got it going. Pretty painful and slightly traumatic for both the hubs and I! (And I think the nurse too!) by the time she got done I looked like a pin cushion! 

The surgery went well it was very quick and I was asleep for the whole thing. Once out of surgery I woke up really quickly and felt back to normal (well IVF always in pain, nauseous, over emotional normal) within 20 minutes. 

When I woke up they let me know that they were able to collect 15 eggs! All off my right side. My left side is engulfed in a cyst and pretty much non-functional after I had a non-cancerous tumor removed years ago. They were able to drain my cyst durring the surgery, which I was very happy about! This cyst has been causing me a ton of issues for a year now so I am glad to be rid of it! (Well for a while until it fills up again)

As the day went yesterday the pain started to catch up with me. Not a ton of pain, just uncomfortable. They tried to give me oxy codeine but I don't take anything stronger than Tylenol so they just gave me prescription strength Tylenol. I only had to take it at bed time and it really helped me sleep. I woke up feeling good. I tried working but the more active I was the more pain I was in. So I made it until about 1 before coming home. I got home and passed out! Pretty par for the course for me these days...my husband joked that this is how he finds me everyday! 

Today they called with our egg report...out of the 15 fertilized we had 12 that were mature enough for incementation and of that 12 we had 10 that survived! We are pretty happy with this and just hope they all survive! 

We will get another report tomorrow on how the eggs are doing and if we will have a 3 day transfer or a 5 day transfer! Hoping for a 5 day as these are more successful because they can better see how the embies are doing. 

Needle poke count is now at 41! 41 needles stuck in me in just under 2 weeks! I really am a human pin cushion! 

If you don't have anything nice to say...

 

 

You know that old saying...If you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all? Well I kinda live by the rule...If you don't have something nice to say keep it off the Internet! One of my biggest pet peeves in life is someone constantly making themselves a victim...and bragging about it on the Internet. So that's why my radio silence for the last month or so! I was a victim of February and most of March! I got knocked down a few too many times and was feeling sorry for myself. I didn't have anything positive to say...had little hope for anything good coming, and all energy I had I spent at pretending to be happy at work. Wah wah wah poor me right! So here is a quick run-down of February.

 

Feb. 4th My doctor emailed to tell me she would be canceling my upcoming IVF cycle because my hormone levels and glucose levels were both out of whack. She wanted me to see a specialist before going forward

 

Feb 5th I woke up extremely sick

 

Feb 7th I found out that the earliest I could get into the specialist was March 25th! Over a month away! Which delayed my cycle even more. I also assumed I would need some sort of treatment after pushing it back more.

 

Feb 9th I woke up with a cold sore! (which I know is silly...but so annoying on top of everything else and being sick still!)

 

Feb 10th I went to the doctor and Found out I had bronchitis and a sinus infection

 

Feb 12th I broke out with weird hives all over my body that lasted two days

 

Feb 17th I went back to the Doctor as I was not getting better...to find out that I now had Bronchitis, a sinus infection and pneumonia! My meds cost $400 dollars out of pocket even with our great insurance!

 

I officially had it with February...and on top of that I am living in Washington so it was wet, raining and crappy outside.

 

Feb. 18th I started my period. I shouldn't have gotten this period...I should have been on stimulation drugs ready for my egg retrieval. Getting my period was a huge reminder of this. A huge reminder that I wouldn't have a baby in my arms come next November like we had planned.

 

Feb. 19th I ran out of tampons....This oddly was my biggest breakdown. I called my dad in tears and tried to tell him through my sobbing I was upset I ran out of tampons!! He of course Laughed at me...like any sane person would! (let me also take this time to say that while I am overly emotional...I am NEVER affected by my period...have never had PMS or changes in my mood durring or around my period) this was simply me being overwhelmed and feeling like I lost something. I was finally going to be pregnate...I was finally going to get our baby...and now I had no date..nothing to look forward to excpet a date with a doctor that had nothing to do with babbies! Adam was working late and I called him with my tampon delema he of course didnt know how to handle me crying over tampons other than to say he would pick some up. I was a mess...I sat that night and cried...and felt sorry for myself for a good 4 hours. All the time knowing I was crazy...knowing I needed to get over it. Knowing that my life is blessed and perfect...but I didnt care I was sick, sad, and just wanted to pout. Just before they canceled my cycle I was at the fertility clinic 2 times a week...now I hadnt been back in over a month...I felt like I got kicked out of some sorta future mommy club!  Its right by Target so when Adam and I drive by we say oh...there is that place we used to go...we miss them...hope they let us back in soon! :)

 

This went on for a few more weeks....the sadness was quickly replaced with just trying to get through the work day being so sick. It took until March 12th before I left the house for anything other than work. We went out for Saint Patricks day..being out with my husband and friends, and laughing again was euphoric! Being simply happy felt like I was ontop of the world. Good ole St. Pat making me feel better!

The hubby and I on St. Paddys Day

 

 

So March 25th came...the specialist ran a bunch of test and told me everything was totally normal! Nothing to worry about, .she gave me the OK to move forward with IVF and she will just monitor when I get pregnate. So I am BACK IN THE CLUB! I actually could have moved forward with a April cycle, but we will be in Cabo durring key times of the cycle so we had to post-pone yet again until May, (sunny beautiful vacation in Cabo with the friends and family not the worse reason to have to delay...but I would much rather be preggers1)

 

I am still a little sick...and having a lot of issues with my asthma due to the pneumonia but now that I can step away from it all I can finally realise that I was no victim! I was only in a small rut I couldnt quite get out of, Clearly  I was not meant to be pregnat while being THAT sick! I also can now travel a lot more comfortably on our vacation. I wont be worried about playing, going out on 4-wheelers or anything like that. (I can also take advantage of the all inclusive bloody marys and Margaritas!) We also had a staffing problem at work where I was missing my assistant for most of Feb and all of March so it would have been really inconvient for me to have constant doctor apointments the IVF cycle calls for. Of course I would give all this up to be pregnate right now..but knowing its coming knowing there is a plan again..that I will soon be back at the sacrade baby making building is a great comfort.

 

Okay sorry for the long update...and the radio silence! Here's to surriving my first breakdown!

Here we go...I think!

Pretty accurate and fun representation of the timeline

Today was the unofficial first day of my first IVF cycle. I believe they consider the actual first day the day you start stimulation meds? However today determined weather or not I can start stimulation meds on time. Oh I also AlMOST had my first emotional stress out due to IVF! The hubs and I spent the last week in Indiana with our families. We booked our flights separately and ended up on different flights home. Adam came home on Saturday with no problems, however Sunday rolled around (Superbowl Sunday...go hawks!) when it was time for me to leave my flight was canceled because the flight crew didn't show up! (I am assuming they all played hooky to watch the game) the ticket agent informed me there was no way for me to fly out of Fort Wayne until Wednesday! I had to be back to work on Monday and my doctor apt today (Tuesday) so they booked me a flight in Indy (about 2.5 hours from Ft Wayne) I drove to Indy the next day only to find out my next flight was delayed...delayed more...then finally canceled because thep plane needed a new engine. So here I am 48 hours from the first flight I tried to get on, with zero flights left to get me to Chicago where my flight to Seattle was waiting. As I stood in line for 2 hours two separate times I started to get overwhelmed with the long day...missing my husband..and realization I was probably not making it back in time it get to my doctors appointment. I know at this point appointments are set to exact times around my body's cycle so I was worried if I missed my suppression check I would have to delay the start to my whole IVF cycle. THANKFULLY an amazing united airlines worker found me the last flight out to Phoenix which could get me to Seattle at midnight Monday. She booked me a ticket on another airline and told me to run to the other side of the airport at which time I was reminded I need to work out more!

This was what they gave me as a ticket, reassuring right!?

So today was my suppression check, they do an internal ultrasound to look at the lining of the uterus and check to make sure there are not follicles or cyst on the ovary to insure there are no surprises on egg retrieval day. Well of course I already have a cyst on my left ovary so they knew that would be there. However they also found a small follicle on my right ovary. Apparently this might throw things off so they took some blood to check my estrogen levels. As long as my estrogen levels are relatively low we will be moving forward on Saturday. I will get the results tomorrow afternoon so fingers crossed! I am so excited that by the end of the month I could be pregnant I will be so disappointed if we have to push back! 

That's my sister the famous yogi!

In the meantime I started doing yoga today. My sister owns a couple yoga studios and really believes in the benefits it's of yoga on your mind body and soul. Can't hurt right!? I also figure this will be a good way to maintain a workout on the days when high impact workouts are forbidden. Hoping the yoga will help me remain calm when I get anxious as I don't like to wait for anything! (Like my blood results from today!) I will update once I know!

Just stick yourself with this needle...it's really easy!

So...we had our injections class today. When I hear class I think of a room full of people, a teacher, and maybe a blackboard. When I was told to sign up for a injections class this is what I pictured. I thought there would be other couples learning the same thing....you know someone else to ask the dumb questions you have so you don't have to. (Like will an air bubble kill me? Or my latest fear...what if I break the needle off inside my skin!) Not so lucky! It was more of a hallway meeting between us and the phlebotomist super quick...wham bam stick yourself thank you mam! 

She had examples of all three injections I will be taking and we practiced each one ONCE in a little rubber block really quickly. Took about 15 minutes.  Although I was in no way looking forward to sticking myself today I thought I would be. I feel like that first prick will be the hardest. I think when the day comes I am going to be sitting there (by myself because the hubs has work that night!) for an hour trying to work up the nerve. I would have much rather gotten over it today in the safety of  a doctors office with the pressure of someone waiting for me to do it. Not to worry I did confirm it would be near impossible to kill myself with an air bubble. I didn't have the nerve to ask about breaking needles off in my own tummy but after seeing the needle I felt it was pretty unlikely I would be able to do that either. But in no way do I feel comfortable purpously sticking a needle in myself yet! 

Here is how we feel about needles....scccccarrrrry! 

On another needle related note....our medications showed up today. They were shipped overnight from the pharmacy. The arrived packaged neatly together and some in a little cooler that we then put into our fridge. They make it pretty easy to figure out what goes together etc. 

Here is a picture of everything we were sent. Hard to believe I need all this for just a couple weeks! 

An update on the process and FINALLY A DATE FOR TRANSFER!

After talking about IVF for almost 2 years we FINALLY have a date for our transfer!! I am a total planner and having an actual date makes it real for me! ( I think Adam is starting to feel it too!)

                 Here is my excited face...Adam gets a little less excited by calendars but loves me anyway!

Once we got the final green light and calendar things started to feel like they were happening really fast. We got the green light on Christmas Eve and couldn't have asked for a better Christmas present! So in the last two weeks this is what has happened...

• We were accepted into the Attain "6 try" program (see my IVF through Attain post for more info)  we signed all contracts with Attain. Payment was due in full up front as well. Once Attain has received the contract and payment they send over the information to your fertility clinic to let them know they can proceed. 
• We were given a full calendar of "events" which lays out your entire treatment plan 
• We had a final meeting with our doctor to sign off on all IVF consents 
• A last blood drawl was done for me just to check hormone levels again
• Seattle Reproductive has sent my prescriptions into a specialized fertility pharmacy for all of the hormone injections I will take leading up to the transfer. All of these medications are not covered by our Attain program and had to be paid up front as well. Our financial adviser at SRM told us these usually run 5-6 thousand. Ours were just under $3,000 so we got lucky there!
• We also paid a $900 freezer fee up front at SRM (this is for them to freeze and store any "extra" eggs after our 1st transfer.) 
• SO for those of you playing at home that is about $34,000 out the door for our baby(ies)! I tell you this not to scare you but because when I was researching and reading blogs I could NEVER find a true estimate of cost. I like to be prepared and this annoyed me! Keep in mind we live in Seattle which has some of the higher cost we have seen (but the best success rates!) and paid for the Attain program also our insurance covers NOTHING so this could be less for lots of you!
• We have scheduled an injection class where we will learn to give me the hormone shots. Right now I have it in my head I can accidentally allow an air bubble into the needle and kill myself...soooo I am hoping they cover that in the class. 
• I have stated prenatal vitamins and am remaining on birth control so they know when my cycle will start.

What's to come (Dates can change based on my cycle and how I react to the hormone shots)

• Feb 1st- Adam will take a high dose of antibiotics to make sure his little swimmers are nice and healthy on transfer day.
• Feb 4th Suppression Check- they will check my uterine lining and ovaries to be sure they are doing what they normally should after a cycle. 
• Feb 8th I will start stimulation injections 
• Feb 12th I will have blood work done to verify I am progressing with the hormones
• Feb 15th more blood work and another ultrasound to verify progression and egg growth
• Feb 18th (this was weird to me) I take a pregnancy test..which should show positive as they have pumped me so full of hormones by body thinks its growing a human. If positive...
• Feb 19th EGG RETRIEVAL DAY! They will also drain my cyst this day as long as it is accessible while extracting the eggs. Adam will also give his contribution which will be mixed to make some very cute babies!
• Feb 24th TRANSFER DAY! The fertilized egg or eggs will be transferred back in then we will all cross our fingers hoping for it to cling on!!! 
• March 5th will be my blood test to verify if I am pregnant or not. 

Its all very exciting! I will be posting along the way to keep everyone updated. Please feel free to let me know if I become crazy at any point. (Adam is starting to get nervous!) 

IVF through Attain Fertility

The cost of IVF can become quite costly. National success rates vary between 25-80 percent. After examining our history and current medical conditions our doctor estimated we have an 75 percent chance of success. After a successful "attachment" there is still a higher chance of miscarriage for IVF patients. So total odd of a live birth for us on our first IVF round is about 50 percent. Our insurance company covers none of the cost of fertility treatments.

Attain fertility is like a 3rd party insurance company that offers you multiple tries at a successful IVF round for a discounted price.

At our clinic a single round of IVF cost about 14,000.00 if unsuccessful we would need to pay that again for a second attempt and so on.
With Attain they offer the chance for multiple rounds with a guarantee that you will bring home a baby.
We had the following options to apply for through Attain

2 rounds of IVF for 22,000 with no guarantee
OR
4 Rounds of IVF (2 with Live Egg removal and 2 using frozen embryos ) for 24,000 if unsuccessful you receive 50% of your money back
OR
6 Rounds of IVF (3 with live egg removal and 3 using frozen embryos)  for 29,000. If unsuccessful you receive 100% of your money back

I truly do believe that this first round will work. I don't stress much, have a great relationship with my husband and know my body pretty well. For some reason I truly believe that one that little eggy is in there she/he will stick!  However I also have no idea what this next two months holds. My husband keeps assuring me that once I am pumped full of all the hormones I will be certifiably bat crap crazy! So we decided that although I KNOW it will work first round, we may need an extra round.

We felt the 6 rounds with 100% guarantee was the best for us. Having the 100% guarantee allows us to go through the process with no expectations and no risk. If for some reason IVF did not work we would have that money to move forward with adoption.

Clearly if we have a baby on the first try we will not be disappointed that we spent the extra money when we didn't need more than one try.

For anyone looking for more information on Attain here is their website.

http://attainivf.attainfertility.com/attain-ivf-programs

Starting at the beginning...

I don't know how far back to go, or where our fertility journey started. What I can tell you is that I ALWAYS knew I wanted to be a mom, and I always kinda knew it would be not be easy. Somehow knowing that...knowing getting pregnant was not going to be "easy" is what has made it easier for me. So far our journey has not been one of heartache or pain, it's been one purely of love.

How we came to IVF
     At age 19 after a 4 wheeling accident my doctors randomly found a large tumor attached to my left Fallopian tube. It was the size of a cantaloupe and they were pretty sure it was non cancerous. This was my first surgery. When they went in to remove the tumor it was wrapped around my left ovary they ended up taking about 95% of my ovary out with the tumor. Along with a couple ovarian cyst. It was non cancerous and my doctors were sure that I could easily get pregnant with my right ovary and good right Fallopian tube. I recovered quickly and was back to normal within the week

     One month after my surgery I was back in the hospital in excruciating pain in my stomach and shoulder. In the ER they did a ton of test and started me on morphine. I remember at one point telling my dad "I don't know what your appendix is but mine burst" after getting all the test back they decided the pain was from another ovarian cyst. I was scheduled for surgery later that night when it came time for surgery the obgyn surgeon was called to deliver a baby. My surgery was rescheduled...this happen three more times in the course of three days. When they finally went in for surgery they found that my appendix HAD burst three days earlier. Scaring most of my abdomen.

       9 years and 5 more ovarian cyst surgeries later when my husband and I were ready to start having babies. I would come to find out not only was that scaring causing all of my ovarian cyst but my "good Fallopian tube" was also scared shut...no open tube no way for the egg to get to the uterus. No other option but IVF or adoption. This is why I say our journey has been "easy" we did not go thru years of trying naturally...we didn't have any miscarriages, we didn't have to go thru years of fertility drugs and hormones only to find out at 35 or 40 that IVF was now our only option.  I am hoping that the rest of this IVF journey is just as easy for us :)