Things they should have told the husband going in

1) Your wife will be unavailable for the next month. She has been replaced with a pod person who will find irritation in everything she once found cute. Tread lightly.

2) She will cry for any reason under the sun. Happy, sad, angry, tired, shinny object, because she loves me, and most important...just because and it's okay! ;)

3)She will be irrationally angry at you for things that don't warrant the pure unadulterated hatred coming your way....she knows it just love her even more.

4)Despite what she says, she will need you more than ever. Be supportive.

5)She is getting hundreds of injections for your potential future child and you can't compete.  Try anyway. ;)

6)You will start to hear phrases like "it's for the baby"( it's not, it's a trap).

7) Needles are no joke. If you accidentally put the needle in on a test run while working up the courage to do it for real, don't abort and pull the needle out. You will hear something along the lines of, "Why would you do that to me?" You have poked the bear walk away slowly.....and don't make any sudden moves.

8)There will be no more cuddling of any kind. If she was the game operation....there is no safe zone! They all set off the ALARM!

9)During the transfer, there is a "drive through window" where the embryologist will hand over your future baby to the doctor. It's weird and feels a little Mr Rogers....just go with it. And order the #4 it's good luck.

10)She is the love of my life and I appreciate her suffering through all of this for our future baby. I didn't realize how much of an emotional roller coaster it would be for me. There are ups and downs all over the place. Never miss an opportunity to tell her you lover her or kiss her. You won't know how much little gestures mean. And no matter how crazy the request, do it anyway.

Transfer day!

                                         Adam tucking our babies in.

Today was our transfer day! Out of our 10 embryos we had 5 that were perfect little hatching blast! We had 3 not make it and 2 they are watching overnight to see of they will start to hatch overnight so they can be frozen tomorrow. We had 2 of or perfect embies transferred today, and they put 3 snow babies on ice. Hopefully tomorrow we will be adding the other two to the iceberg. 

The procedure was not too bad, it was just really uncomfortable. You have to fill your bladder to the brim and then they spend 45 minutes pushing on it. Apparently I have a speed bump on the way to my uterus..so that took them a little longer than usuall, but it all worked out in the end. We got pictures of the two perfect little embies we implanted which I LOVED! I feel pretty much the same, a little more crampy and extremely aware of every twinge, bubble, tickle I have in my tummy. It was a pretty emotional 45 minute appointment it was very unreal everything we have been doing for the last three years has lead up to this! Adam gets a goofy little smile everything I now refer to myself as a "we" it's pretty cute and I hope that smile sticks around for the whole 9 months! 

I was sent home with instructions to relax and take it easy for the next two days. After that they told me just to not overthink any of it. Sure easy for you to say! The next two weeks is going to be looooong! Laying here with my feet up is not helping with the overthinking! Luckily it's time for bed tonight...off to dream of sticky babies! 

Xoxoxo

Our little embie family, and a transfer date!

We are now three days past egg retrieval and all 10 of our original fertilized embryos are still thriving! Yesterday when we got our update all 10 were ranked at the hugest grade. However today we did have just one drop down to a "fair" condition. The nurse said they are changing and growing minute by minute so there is always a chance that one can catch up.  We are beyond thrilled so far! It's a little scary to think that any tiny little factor could make our prefect little embryos become fair or poor embryos. But are just hoping for the best. We are hoping to transfer 2 and then will freeze the rest. Ideally this round will be successful and then we have plenty of frozen to make brothers or sisters. We would also love to have extra to donate. It's un-imagable to me that some people don't even have the very small choice that we had. We would love to be able to help other couples. 

We will be doing a five day transfer of the embie babies on Tuesday! We are so excited, nervous, happy, scared...we actually don't know what to feel. Every update about our little embies is so exciting! I will now go the next two days withou hearing anything! We won't know how they are doing until we go in for the retrieval on Tuesday! Then the hard part comes...the dreaded two week wait. The time between implantation and the pregnancy test to see is all of this worked out! We are going to have to keep really busy durring that time!

In other news I am officially done with the needles, but have started new medication...progesterone. So far it's horrible! I take it morning and night in a suppository form and I am sick within 20 minutes. I am nauseous, crampy, and cranky...I know what your thinking dad...poor Adam ;) (don't worry I am being nice...I even used all my allotted energy today to bring him breakfast in bed and cook dinner) 

In two days in this building our dreams will come true...and we couldn't be more excited! Or scared! I will update you all after our transfer! 

Egg retrieval day!!

Yesterday was our egg retrieval, all and all things went well :) 

36 hours before my retrieval I took my final shot! The big momma of all shots! The trigger shot...it was more intimidating than painful! Adam had to give it to me because it went in my back really dint hurt too badly. But my butt is still a little bruised feeling 3 days later.

The day before egg retrivial I had to take a pregnancy test. If the trigger shot worked it would come out positive, and it did so we were all systems go for the retrieval! 

Here we I am arriving at the surgery center. My husband and my Samantha..both are the best support a girl could ask for! 

We went into the surgery center at 7:30am and by 8 I was brought back and prepped. The worse part of the whole thing was when they put in my IV for some reason they couldn't find a vein. It took her several tries and 3 different areas before they finally got it going. Pretty painful and slightly traumatic for both the hubs and I! (And I think the nurse too!) by the time she got done I looked like a pin cushion! 

The surgery went well it was very quick and I was asleep for the whole thing. Once out of surgery I woke up really quickly and felt back to normal (well IVF always in pain, nauseous, over emotional normal) within 20 minutes. 

When I woke up they let me know that they were able to collect 15 eggs! All off my right side. My left side is engulfed in a cyst and pretty much non-functional after I had a non-cancerous tumor removed years ago. They were able to drain my cyst durring the surgery, which I was very happy about! This cyst has been causing me a ton of issues for a year now so I am glad to be rid of it! (Well for a while until it fills up again)

As the day went yesterday the pain started to catch up with me. Not a ton of pain, just uncomfortable. They tried to give me oxy codeine but I don't take anything stronger than Tylenol so they just gave me prescription strength Tylenol. I only had to take it at bed time and it really helped me sleep. I woke up feeling good. I tried working but the more active I was the more pain I was in. So I made it until about 1 before coming home. I got home and passed out! Pretty par for the course for me these days...my husband joked that this is how he finds me everyday! 

Today they called with our egg report...out of the 15 fertilized we had 12 that were mature enough for incementation and of that 12 we had 10 that survived! We are pretty happy with this and just hope they all survive! 

We will get another report tomorrow on how the eggs are doing and if we will have a 3 day transfer or a 5 day transfer! Hoping for a 5 day as these are more successful because they can better see how the embies are doing. 

Needle poke count is now at 41! 41 needles stuck in me in just under 2 weeks! I really am a human pin cushion! 

Day 8 check up...and a little speed bump!

Yesterday was my 8 day checkup. I was hoping it would be my last checkup before our egg retrieval, but it was not :( 

On Wednesday my follicles were growing quickly and right on track. But yesterday at my 8 day check they were not much larger than on Wednesday. My estadiol levels were not too low but not as high as they should have been. So i will be continuing on the shots a little longer than planned. My doctor uped my dosage of follistim and also added ganirelix. So last night I started a third shot! I am now on 275iu of follistim.

My follicles not being ready Is disappointing because a day feels like a month in the middle of this! The stimulation meds are really starting to wear on me, I am in pain, nauseous, get car sick, and generally really worn down. It also throw off our schedules. My husband, best friend and I all took off work Wednesday for the egg retrieval which will not be happening now. So we will have to reschedule that. The way it worked out having my retrieval on Wednesday made it so a 3 day transfer would be on Saturday, or a 5 day transfer would be Monday. Both days we were already off work because of the Memorial Day weekend. So that was nice and convient, and now it's a little more up in the air. 

The new third shot was rough. With my other two shots the needles both slide in like butter, but when I took the ganirelix last night I only got the needle in about half way. The needle was larger and didn't just slide in, it got stuck half way in and I panicked! I was pushing pretty hard and it didn't go in Any further. I was not sure if I should pull it back out or keep pushing. I had to re-grip the needle so I could get a better grip to push it in. It was pretty painful and bruised up right away. I am hoping that it was a fluke and tonight will be easier! 

Needles needles and more needles! I have now had 23 needles stuck in me on one weeks time. I can say I am pretty ready for a break! 

My next appointment is on Tuesday and I am hoping that I can take my trigger shot that night! Until then grow my little follies grow! 

Day 5 check IVF Cycle

Today was my day 5 check up. Once starting stimulation meds they check your stats every 3 days. They are checking you estradiol levels in my blood, and then looking at my ovaries to see the growth of the follicles. My blood work came back and my estradiol level was 272 which is right on target for day 5. During my ultrasound my left ovary showed no follicles, which was not surprising as my left ovary is basically useless. It's pretty much just a tiny blob of scar tissue as they took most of it out with my first tumor.  Most people have about 5-8 follicles on each ovary at this stage. My right ovary had 20! So no worries on not having enough! At this stage they are looking for the size of your follicles to be between 6-10 mine ranged between size 8-10 so we are doing good! I never thought I could ever be so excited and proud of my ovary! I am the proud owner of 20 size 8-10 follies on my day 5! Here is to hoping that each follie grows a beautiful egg! Grow little follies grow! 

Mean time I am getting much better at shots I still shake a little but I am much faster at just getting it over with now. Fun fact in the last five days I have had 13 different needles stuck in me. Another fun fact...my follistim vials say they have 300 iu in it. I take 150 iu a day, so naturally the math wiz in me came to the conclusion that I had 2 days worth of shots in each. WRONG apparently the 300iu vial actually has 375 ius in it! So I have thrown away about 800 dollars worth of medicine!! OUCH! We are hoping I won't need them in the end. They are waiting for my 8 day blood work to determine if I need to order more of the meds I threw away! Cross your fingers I won't need them! 

Whelp me and my perfect follies are a little worn down so I am off to sleep! Night world! 

It's actually happening!

Has it really only been 4 days since my last post? It feels like a lifetime ago. My world is completely flipped upside down...I feel like a Charles Dickens novel..it was the best of times it was the worst of times. It's unreal that this moment we have waited for so long for is here, that in a month I will have a baby in my tummy?! And on the other hand my family is mourning the death of my grandmother. The last two weeks have been truly well...sad? Weird? Scary? I am not sure how to feel. Think I will try to blog daily during this time as it's impossible to go back and recount the events and feelings of the last week. 

Well today is Monday I started stimulation meds on Saturday, so far I am surviving! I can tell you the shots are wayyyy harder emotionally than they are physically! Let me say that I think it's pretty cool that we are going thru IVF I don't have this huge sadness that we can't do it the natural way. Nor do I resent the ladies that have had zero trouble getting pregnante. I am super pumped about any preggers lady I see...the way I see it that's one more baby for me to cuddle with! IVF has never been something that was a burden for us, it's simply the transportation to get us to our baby. And the science nerd in me thinks it's a pretty amazing one! (How many of you get pictures of your babies as eggs?) HOWEVER when your standing there after a party you were forced to leave early from because shot time is between 7-9pm with a needle in your hand getting ready to stab yourself with a needle, you can't help but think. Why us? What on earth are we doing here? How did we get here? And that's exactly what I said to my husband while crying with that needle pointed at my tummy. He simply said you're ok. And I was...and I jabbed that needle in. Guess what? Doesn't really hurt! 

 

I would like to say by day 3 it's less scary and I just push both shots right in...but it's not. I still shake, it's still scary. I have now given myself 6 shots over the last three days and I shake like a leaf while giving each. 

So far I have no pain in the injection sights and hardly any cramping. I have had a pretty bad headache for two days but it goes away with Tylenol. Starting today my body aches, I feel like I am coming down with the flu almost. I know it's just the side effects of the meds. I am nauseous but hungry. So so,tired but can't sleep. And while I don't feel emotional and have no mood swings...I think I could cry on command?! Like it's just hiding back there ready to come out. 

 

My husband has stepped it up amazingly he is doing a great job of giving me the extra attention I need and holding my hand during shots. 

I had my day 3 test today and they were happy with my blood results so, I will stay on the same two shots for now. I have another apt on Wednesday to check my blood again and do an ultrasound to check my follicles. Until then....Grow little follies grow! 

IVF in the twilight zone.

T 

I struggled with figuring out how to write this post, should I only write about the facts of my IVF treatment or write about everything happening during my IVF cycle?

 I assumed once we got the magical go ahead that meant we would be starting our cycle that the cycle would consume our life. I assumed the next three weeks would be amazing, stressful, painful, euphoric, and full of hope. I thought our world would stop and everything would be about the possibility of a baby. These are the days I have been waiting for since they told us 2 years ago that this would be our baby path. I thought the only thing on our minds would be this moment, this baby.

I was wrong.

Last Friday May 2nd my grandmother left her apartment in Janesville, Wisconsin to go out and pray with and help the homeless as she did many nights. 

Saturday someone found her purse, and she was reported as a missing person. 

Monday a body was found near where she was last seen...it was not her. It was a girl who was murdered by a man who claims he had killed 2 other people. 

Tuesday we found out we were finally ready to start our cycle, when my suppression check finally went well. 

It's Thursday, we have no new answers about my grandmother, we are excited about our cycle, we are confused and heartbroken and trying to live a normal life in the midst of the most baffling time in our lives. Everything is up in the air.

The man who killed the girl and claimed to have killed others has stopped talking, the police can not connect him to my grandma, however they can not rule him out. So we wait. 

You can find more info on her disappearance here.

http://www.nbc15.com/home/headlines/Janesville-Police-Searching-for-MIssing-Woman-257805811.html?device=tablet

I have decided that I couldn't tell my current IVF story without talking about the thing that is consuming my life right now, we love her so much and just want her home. I spend hours a day talking and texting with family trying to find anything, any clue. Clearly I am not in the ideal frame of mind to be going thru a life changing event like IVF...might not be the best time for my hormones to be thrown into overdrive. But we are hoping the IVF will work as a nice distraction. While my sister cousin and I think we are crack detectives that can rival Sherlock Holmes it won't be such a bad thing to spend a half hour a night giving myself shots and reconnecting with my husband instead of scouring the internet for clues. We are also so comforted by knowing we have the attain program. While I truly believe I will be pregnante in less than a month, it's extremely comforting knowing we have other chances if we need them. I can say that we would delay this cycle due to the stress if we didn't have the backup plan. 

So...here we go again! Below are all the important dates as they sit now (they can change based on my hormone levels they will be checking every 3 days) 

Saturday May 10th I will start taking 2 shots a day to help stimulate egg production. I will continue these until egg retrieval day.

Wednesday May 21st is egg retrieval day. They will go in surgically remove my eggs and mix them with Adams sperm.

The fertilized eggs will grow for 3-5 days in the lab

Saturday, May 24th would be a 3 day transfer (which is what we are hoping for as they usually produce better results) 

Monday, May 26th would be a 5 day transfer 

Wednesday, June 4th we will take a blood pregnancy test to see if it all works! 

Cross your fingers we could use all sorts of luck in our lives right now!